3 Ways to Stand up Against Bullying Without Getting in Trouble (2024)

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Co-authored byDr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD

Last Updated: May 25, 2021References

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   Learn to say no. Bullies look for targets who will not assert themselves. One simple way to deal with bullies is to just tell them no. If they’re trying to make you do things for them or boss you around, say no and walk away. Don’t let the bully dictate how you should act. The more you give in, the more likely the bully is to continue harassing you. That’s why the first step to getting rid of a bully is simply saying no and sticking to it.^[1]

   • If a bully asks you to do something for them, try saying no politely. For example, if a bully says, "Can you answer these homework questions for me?" You can say something like, "I'm sorry I was just about to leave." Then, walk away.
   • If you can't leave the situation, you can try something like, "I don't think I'll be able to help you. I'm struggling with this assignment as well."
   • If you have the time and think the bully may be open to listening, you can say something like, "No, I can't answer them for you, but I can help you with the assignment."
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   Redirect the conversation respectfully. This can be difficult, especially if you feel your bully has disrespected you, your loved ones, or your friends. However, most bullies won’t enjoy their bullying behaviors if the person being bullied continues to treat them with respect. Don’t engage with their bullying talk. Instead, redirect the bully to a different topic. If you feel confident enough to do so, you can even try making a joke to diffuse the situation.

   • An example of redirecting the bullying talk may be, if your bully says something like, “There’s that stupid kid.” Respond politely with something as simple as, “My name is Sam.”
   • An example of using a joke to diffuse the situation could be, responding to the same comment, “There’s that stupid kid,” by saying something funny like, “I’m not that stupid.”
   • Don’t make the joke at the bully’s expense. This will likely only make them angrier, and turn you into a bully.
   • As long as the bully continues to harass you verbally, you can continue to respond to them with respect. If they begin to physically harm you, it’s time to avoid them or ask for help.^[2]

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   Ask your bully for an explanation. If you’re unable to redirect the bullying talk or make a joke, you can attempt to address the issue directly. When you have an opportunity to talk to the bully one-on-one, ask them why they are harassing you. In some cases, pointing out the bully’s behavior may be enough to make them stop. This direct approach will let them know you can stand up for yourself, and in some cases, they may not even realize their behavior is affecting you.

   • Make sure you talk to your bully privately, but always be close enough to other people that you can call for help. You never know when a bully will escalate from verbal harassment to physical abuse.
   • Use specific incidents rather than generalizations. For instance, say, “Why do you keep calling me stupid?” Instead of, “Why do you keep making fun of me?”
   • If your bully refuses to respond or responds with more harassment, walk away. Don’t push the issue. Remember that people often use bullying as a tactic to deal with unpleasant issues in their own life, and prodding into those issues may cause them to take it out on you.^[3]
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   Show confidence when interacting with your bully. Don’t turn away, look down, or look scared. Hold your head up high. Try to seem confident, even if you aren't. If your bully sees you as being weak or scared, they’ll consider you an easy target for their harassment for two reasons: they think you won’t defend yourself and they think what they say will affect you. Show your bully that you are confident in who you are and that their bulling doesn’t upset you.

   • Remember that despite what a bully says about you, you are a valuable person with valid opinions and insights. You have every right to expect people to treat you with respect.^[4]
   • If you take what a bully says personally, it may be an indication that you hold negative beliefs about certain aspects of your life. If you internalize their comments, you may want to think about why they impact you so much. This can be used as a tool for growth.
   • You may look and feel more confident if you wear clothing that makes you feel comfortable, so select outfits that boost your self-confidence.
   • Don’t allow the bully’s comments to make you doubt yourself.
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   Stay calm and unemotional. No matter how upset you are, don't cry, yell, or show emotion in front of the bully. In many cases, this is exactly what they want. This will let them know that what they are doing is working. Bullies like getting to you, and they will come back for more. Don’t react to their harassment, and many bullies will stop simply because they aren’t getting the reaction they want out of you.

   • If you find yourself getting upset, try taking deep breaths. Focusing on your breathing will help you remain calm and centered despite your feelings of fear or frustration.^[5]
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   Make eye contact. If you notice the bully looking at you, look them in the eyes. Keep your face free from emotion, and try to maintain eye contact to let them know you’re not scared of them. Don't look worried. You’d be surprised how uncomfortable eye contact can make your bully. This shows you are confident and unconcerned, and it will make them second guess themselves.^[6]

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   Defend yourself physically as a last resort. Don’t ever start a physical fight with a bully. This will almost certainly lead to you getting into trouble. However, if your bully does try to fight, you may want to be able to protect yourself. Run away if this is possible. Curl into a ball with your face and head protected. As a last resort, fight back. You don’t want to take this approach if you can avoid it, but sometimes, you need to protect yourself.

   • Consider taking self-defense courses, if your bully is physically harassing you regularly.
   • Avoid your bully to prevent physical altercations, whenever possible. Remember that unwanted physical contact is considered assault, and is a crime. You can always threaten to call the authorities if things get physical.
   • Always seek help from a person in authority if your bully is physically assaulting you.^[7]
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   Stand up for others who are bullied. If you notice your bully is harassing other people too, offer your support to the people being bullied. Even if the other people are harassed by a different bully, stopping to make sure they're okay and helping them address the bully will not only make them feel better it will continue to improve your confidence.^[8]

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   Stick with your friends. Avoid walking alone as this may attract the bully. If there isn't anyone else around to walk with, take a path where there are a lot of people who will see if the bully tries to harass you. Most bullies won’t approach a group of people. They want to make you feel bad or get a reaction from you. With friends there to support you, they know you’re less likely to respond with the emotion they want.

   • Bullies are less likely to pick on you, if they think they’ll be the “odd man out.” Sticking with your friends will discourage them from bullying you.
   • Tell your friends about the bullying, and ask them to stick up for you in case the bully does approach.^[9]
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   Avoid places where the bully hangs out. Don’t put yourself in a situation where the bully will have an opportunity to verbally or physically attack you. Think about where you’ve come in contact with your bully in the past, and try to find alternate routes, shift your schedule, or change habits to avoid the bully. Don’t let your bully dramatically impact your day to day life, but if you can easily circumvent the places you run into them, doing so may be the easiest way to avoid conflict.

   • For instance, if you often run into the bully on your way home from a specific event, plan for an alternate route that won't take you past your bully.
   • If you have to see your bully in a class, try to walk as far away from them as possible, and avoid sitting near them.
   • If your bully frequents the same coffee shop or other public location, consider going at a different time of day.^[10]
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   Ignore your bully. If they call you names, don't say anything in response. Most bullies are behaving in a harassing way to get a specific reaction from you. If you don’t respond at all, they are more likely to lose interest. Not responding may also make the bully angrier, so make sure to read their responses and leave possibly hostile situations.^[11]

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   Walk away. This may be easier said than done. In some cases, the bully will not want you to walk away, and will continue to follow and harass you. If the bully tries to physically attack you, it is especially important to walk away because engaging in violent behavior will likely lead to you and your bully being in trouble. In some cases, you may even attract the attention of the police. Do what you can to remove yourself from the situation by simply walking away rather than engaging with the bully.

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   Keep evidence of the bullying. If you’re being bullied via email, text, negative comments on social media, or other cyberbullying techniques, document this. Print off emails, save text messages, and capture screenshots of social media comments. You can also note days, times, and places where in-person incidents occurred. If you had friends present to witness the bullying, ask them to write a summary of what happened and what both you and the bully did. If possible, you should take pictures, audio recording, or videos as the bully harasses you.^[12]

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   Ask friends for advice. If you feel you’re being bullied, chances are you’re right. However, other people may perceive the situation differently. See what your friends think of the situation, and ask them what they would do. Listen to your friend’s advice, and try to put it into use right away. If you’ve already tried a method they recommend, let them know how it went.

   • Start by finding out if your friend thinks the situation is bullying. While you may be hurt by certain behaviors, other people may view them differently. Say something like, “Bryan is always calling me stupid. Do you think he’s kidding, or do you think he’s really being mean to me?”
   • Ask for advice dealing with a specific issue. Say something like, “You remember how Bryan called me stupid the other day? He does that a lot. Do you think I should say something?”^[13]
   • This is also a good rule of thumb if you feel bullied in the workplace. Talk to you coworkers first, especially if you have a coworker who has more experience with the person bullying you.^[14]
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   Talk to your family. While friends will likely want to help you, they may also be friends with the person doing the bullying. This can prevent them from giving you the best advice. Your parents, siblings, or other family members may be able to offer more objective perspectives for you. You can practice interacting with the bully by role playing with a family member. Additionally, they can serve as advocates or mediators, if you want to confront the bully in a safe, controlled environment.

   • Depending on your age and the age of your bully, you may also want to have your family member reach out to their parents or other family member to meet with you.^[15]
   • If your bully is a coworker, a human resources representative may be a more appropriate advocate and mediator.^[16]
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   Tell someone in authority. If the bullying continues to escalate despite your best efforts to confront or avoid the bully, it’s time to ask for help from someone in a position to intervene. This is especially important if the bully is physically harassing you. Use your documentation as evidence, and try to calmly explain the situation.

   • If you’re in school, have your parent or guardian meet with you, the principal or guidance counselor, and your bully and their parents.
   • If you’re dealing with a workplace bully, talk to your boss or human resources department about the problems, and ask for their help dealing with the bully.
   • If your bully is harassing you in an uncontrolled atmosphere like a public restaurant, library, on a bus, in your home, or in other public areas that do not necessarily have specific authorities, you may need to involve the police.^[17]

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